Although I have many misgivings about the pharmaceutical industry, modern medicine and a generally very narrow, linear, fragmented approach to healing, I also want to acknowledge how I’m benefiting from the ADD medication I’ve been prescribed.
To be able to get there I had to separate two things: getting help from modern medicine (and also overcoming the stigma/fear concerning mental disease, which I feel is part of my family’s karma), didn’t mean I was subscribing to the whole workings of the medical-industrial complex.
This reminds me of my piano lessons when I was a young boy. I did like playing piano and I know that music is an intrinsic part of me [despite how it has been absent from my life, way more than is good for me…I’m still struggling with it, enjoying and making music, but I’m starting to get back closer to it].
So, I was always dreading the lessons, they felt more like a chore to me. Just like practicing. Even though I do feel the piano is *my* instrument. Oh, only now I realize why I struggled with that. I’m still having to get used to seeing my life and my experiences through ADD-glasses…That definitely played a big part in it. I also think the way it was structured, although good to get an initial start, wasn’t the best way for me. But I had no idea back then. Anyway, the weekly lessons really started to weigh on me. And luckily, something, at least for a brief moment, clicked in me. And that was that quitting piano lessons, didn’t mean I had to give up playing piano. For myself, in my own way. Then I was able to let my parents know I wanted to quit the piano lessons. And it brought me so much relief.
Even though as a whole, modern medicine in its current form isn’t my ‘thing’, doesn’t mean there isn’t something in it for me (the proverbial baby/bathwater thing), certain people, certain treatments, that are helpful and valuable to me. It’s the universe’s way of wanting to provide for me, supporting me on my path.
And I had to deal with my own judgments, fears and pride. Which progression did show in the people who crossed my path…from the not so helpful, understanding…to eventually those who now are helping me move forward. When I was ready…enough.
I already described some ways of how the medication already is opening up my life, helping me tilt up my head a bit more to see the horizon. And without a horizon you would never be able to enjoy a sunset.
I had set out to write about something else, but this is what wanted to come out. It’s just what I needed.